Although I have very vague recollections of visiting my maternal Grandparents under one roof, they have been divorced for the majority of my life. My Grandmother was known for cheating on my Grandfather, and I understand that (possibly as a result of her cheating, or maybe it was the cause?) he would regularly beat her. This behaviour resulted in my Mother, when she was still very young together with her even younger sister, being taken into care by the Salvation Army. We always put money in their collection boxes whenever we see them as a result and Sarah often becomes emotional at the thought. My Mother has false teeth and has ever since she was in her teens as a result of malnourishment when she was young. My Grandfather is, as I’ve mentioned, deceased and although I carried his coffin at the funeral with three of my male cousins, I did so for my Mother, who of course in spite of everything still loved her Father. I shed no tears for him (although I haven’t mentioned that we share the same Birthday and like him, I have a fascination with timepieces and footwear) and my Father has always disliked him for taking such poor care of my Mother. As a result of the divorce however, actions were put in motion which would not too many years later ultimately benefit me immensely.

My Grandfather began dating again and eventually settled down with a new partner. She claimed to be employed in the hospitality industry and “knew all there was to know about running hotels.” This was later proved to be a complete fabrication but I’ll continue. An idea was floated and eventually sold to my parents that they, my Grandfather, his partner and my Sister & I would relocate to a coastal town for a fresh start, where we’d buy, live in and run a hotel. This was during 1987 when holidays to UK seaside destinations were still very popular, unlike today where it’s often cheaper or a comparable price to go abroad to mediterranean destinations with superior weather. I’m unsure of how many destinations were initially considered, but the final shortlist was just two; Skegness and Scarborough. We’d holidayed in Great Yarmouth the year before (the only family holiday we ever took during our youth) but I don’t recall it being considered.

Reconnaissance trips were planned to both destinations and, for whatever reason, Scarborough was selected as the final choice. By March 1988 we’d packed up our lives and moved to our new home, a 5 storey Hotel on Albemarle Crescent in the town’s centre complete with our dog Tyga, a brindle-striped boxer who was about 18 months old. I remember being desperately unhappy at the time – we had of course had to leave our friends, school and extended families behind in the hope that this new life would be better than a future in Mansfield, which was feeling the bitter pinch of losing it’s coal mining industry at that time. Of course, very quickly we settled and I made new friends, one being another recent import to the town, Richard who had moved from Leeds with his family. Although we did make a few trips back to Mansfield in the ensuing years, I would never see my friends Robert or Wayne, nor my best school friend, Sandy, again.

There wasn’t much for a young boy to do in Scarborough for little or no money at the time and not as many green spaces to play in as there were in Mansfield, especially in the centre of town. I spent a great deal of my first year in Scarborough reading and as a result, my reading level was that of a 13 year old at age 8. My schooling also improved considerably (later in Secondary School I was in the top class for all subjects save for mathematics). Richard lived above his Aunt & Uncle’s dancewear shop (now long closed), which was immediately next door to one of the few local video rental shops, named Movieland. Richard had older siblings who were able to rent films for us we had absolutely no business seeing, such as Predator, Aliens and Robocop. They had a stellar back catalogue of older films which could be rented for 50p – I spent much of my years between 8 and 16 renting films and watching them with Richard and our small pool of friends which expanded during our school years. Richard chose not to pursue education after school however and as such, eventually we fell out of touch as I continued on. We’ve reconnected through social media some years later after my return to Scarborough, but I haven’t seen him face to face in perhaps more than 20 years as he moved to Leeds whilst I was reading Law in Huddersfield and more recently Lytham St Annes. A few years ago, an important piece of my childhood was forever lost when Movieland closed, a victim of the ever advancing march of technology and streaming services like Netflix and Amazon Prime. A sad but grateful message was left in the window by the owners – I myself hadn’t rented a film from them in likely more than 10 years when they closed, choosing to buy my own copies of films for my collection instead following the explosion in DVD sales and of course enjoying staff discount at the music, film & games retailer I worked for. That, and not having owned a VHS player since 2003. Although I now use those aforementioned streaming services, I feel it’s a poor substitute for the joy of finding a title amongst the expansive racks of VHS & DVD boxes; the joy of the hunt has been lost.

Let me back-track a little however, because the Hotel venture didn’t last long; in fact I believe it was approximately 18 months. Although the business seemed to be doing well, money would regularly go unaccounted for and my Grandfather would be generally unpleasant to both me & my Sister. I didn’t like his partner at all and even though my Father would work a full-time job during the day, he would also work the bar at the Hotel on an evening in high-season during the summer which would leave him exhausted. My mother would handle the day-to-day running of the Hotel when it became clear my Grandfather’s partner had spun an elaborate fiction about her expertise, including cooking meals for guests and cleaning the rooms etc. My Sister and I were generally confined to the top floor of the building, where we each had a room across from our parents. Tempers frayed, and one day after an argument following my Grandfather shouting at my Sister and I for something petty, he found himself lifted off his feet with his back against a wall, my Father’s hands grasping his throat. My Father was in his early 30s at this point and was a much bigger man than my Grandfather. Very shortly after that incident, we moved out and after temporarily renting a flat for 6 months just a few doors down from the Hotel, my parents bought a large 5 bedroom house not far from the town centre and cut their losses with the business. After being fleeced by his partner in the early 2000s, my Grandfather returned to Mansfield having sold the Hotel, which like many other multi-storey large properties, has since been converted to flats. In 2003, with my Sister having moved to Leeds and completed her training as a nurse, married and had the first of her 3 girls, my Parents again moved, this time to Leeds too, to be near to and help my Sister and also owing to the fact that at that time I too lived in Leeds, attending University to obtain my Diploma in Legal Practice. They still live in Leeds in that same house they bought (where I also lived until April 2005) and are helping to deal with the fallout from my Sister’s divorce. It’s taking quite a toll on them who, now in their early to mid 60s, should be taking things easier. My Mother retired from paid work a year or two ago, although she still looks after my nieces almost daily. My father works just 16 hours a week which is enough to meet their outgoings, having finally repaid their mortgage with inheritance from my Grandparents’ estates. I hope he’ll be able to retire fully very soon, sometime within the next 2 years. He’s counting down the days until he can stay in his shed full-time and concentrate on his hobby of woodworking and refurbishing old tools.

I mentioned in my first post on my blog a friend who put me in touch with the man who would eventually become my employer & mentor to complete my legal training – that friend has played a pivotal part in my life and I’ll write more about him in the third and final installment of this trilogy of posts.

Maya Angelou once said “You can’t really know where you are going until you know where you have been”. I started this blog as a way of speaking to my Son Joseph from beyond the grave in the event that I don’t live long enough to guide him as he grows to being the brilliant man I know he will become. I know where he came from, even if I don’t yet know where he’s going; I was the first person to hold him (after the nurses who cleaned him up and swaddled him) when he was born (I’ll tackle that day in another post!) and he’s certainly inherited some of my traits – my wonky ears, my predilection towards OCD type behaviour and my loud voice – but he’ll likely know very little about where I came from if I’m not there to tell him. I don’t know about you, but I love a good origin story.

I was born in January 1980, the second child of my parents and their only son. My parents had met and married when they were teenagers – my Mum 18 and Dad 19. My paternal grandparents, both now deceased, didn’t approve of the union and gave the marriage 6 months. I loved him and he had a very dry wit, but my Grandad Colley was a miserable old bastard who thought he knew everything. It’s a trait all we Colley men inherit. I’m happy to say he was wrong and they’re still together as I write.

I was lucky to be born, however. You see, medical technology has advanced hugely in the last 40 years and at the time I was in utero, a test performed at the hospital said I would likely be born with the condition spina bifida, and they recommend termination. This was of course a massive and potentially heartbreaking decision for my parents, but given you’re reading this you know the outcome. Spoilers. I don’t have spina bifida by the way. My sister is 20 months older than me and is a registered professional nurse working for a private healthcare company. She has 3 kids, all girls, all spoiled millennial little shits who don’t recognise how lucky they are to be alive at this time and who can’t possibly comprehend how anybody did anything or even lived without a cellphone or the internet. My sister is going through a difficult divorce from her husband of 18 years (they’ve been together since they were teenagers, too) and my nieces talk to their mother like they’ve just scraped her off their shoes (which enrages Sarah), but I’m getting sidetracked.

My folks lived in Mansfield, the town they were both born in, too, in the little 3 bed house they’d managed to buy not too long after they’d married in the area known as Mansfield Woodhouse. It wasn’t much, but it was always clean, warm and comfortable. It’s hard to imagine now, but we didn’t have a phone (or a car until 1986, when my Dad bought a used Vauxhall Magnum when he passed his test). We did however have a good sized rear garden complete with a swing, and there was a public playground directly behind the house. I had two friends who lived on the same street; Robert and Wayne who were a similar age. We’d play on the street or around our houses all day and watch films on my parents’ top-loading VHS recorder in an evening if we’d rented a film from the local video shop. Film has been an important part of my life for as long as I can remember.

My parents worked day and night (Dad day as an engineer and Mum night at the local bingo hall and later stocking factory and Co-op Supermarket) to keep the roof over our heads and food on the table. I don’t ever remember going without anything, however my Dad would many years later lament stories of desperately checking the sofa cushions for loose change to pay for food or utilities. Occasionally they had to miss a payment on their mortgage to get by. He once found a £5 note when searching the sofa which was apparently like Christmas. He did however manage to escape the fate which befell the majority of males on both sides of my family; the horror of working the coal face down the pit.

Mansfield is one of the oldest towns in the UK, even appearing in the Domesday Book of 1086. Coal mining was the main industry of the town when I was born and, if you were from a poor family (both sides of my family are working class, my parents from families with 5 (Dad, eldest) or 6 (Mum, eldest again) kids who had very little), you were more or less destined to that employment as a male. By 1984 however, the then Conservative Government began closing the pits and my family had to retrain in other fields. It was for the best for them personally in any event as they’re all better off as a result and doing work which is unlikely to place them in mortal danger. It also meant it wasn’t a reality I’d ever have to face. Although I’m of course glad of this, the fact that my family were safer and not engaged in an industry I abhor (renewables are where it’s at, this is the 21st Century), I’m sorry to report that the town itself has never really recovered.

I started at the local Church of England Primary School the September before my 5th birthday, as we all do in the UK. I wasn’t a good student. I didn’t seem to do well at anything and I even vaguely recall comments from my teacher Mr. Scott at the age of 6 or 7 that I was useless and would amount to nothing. You know what? Had I have stayed in that town as the majority of my family did, I think he’d have been right.

Christmas day is nearly done; just a few days remain until we sing 2018 to its sleep and consign the events thereof to the annals of history.

I planned my Christmas experiment with consent from Sarah (who usually humours me with my silly ideas / experiments) on the basis that we’d spend just our Nectar Points accrued to date (£60) and a £20 Gift Card for Marks & Spencer to buy gifts and food for the day (please do refer back to my earlier post for more details on the “cheat” I employed to make this work in practice). So, was the experiment a success? Short Answer? Yes. Sarah spent the £10 allocated to my gift by buying me one of my favourite films, Hackers, newly released on Blu-ray for £9.99 with free shipping from Amazon as Prime members. I overspent a little on her (not by much – hey, my game, my rules!) in buying her the new Lean in 15 Veggie cook book by Joe Wicks for £8.49, again from Amazon together with a small bouquet of flowers (£2.99), so just £11.48 in total.

For Joseph, we did spend more than the allotted £10 as we bought him a toy which cost £34.99 again from Amazon, who had the best price online at the time of ordering. It was something he’d been asking for for weeks but as a larger toy it was the kind of gift we’d only ever consider buying for Christmas or his birthday. I did check the local toy shops before buying online but it wasn’t in stock and on checking eBay, I did see that this particular toy was being sold new & boxed at above retail price by some unscrupulous people. We did however manage to sell some of Joseph’s old toys for a total of £50 and so this more than paid for the toy itself – we put the balance into his bank account for future purchases.

All told then, the figures work out thusly (running total in brackets):-

Andy’s gift: £9.99;

Sarah’s gifts: £11.48 (21.47);

Joseph’s gift: £34.99 (£56.46);

Bottle of Martini Asti: £6.50 (£62.96);

Food spend: £25.29 (£88.25)

LESS £35 from selling Joseph’s old toys: £53.25 TOTAL.

There’s lots of turkey, cheese and mince pies left too, so you could say that the actual spend for the day itself on food was even less, as the balance will be used up in the next couple of days.

Whilst some people will think we’ve been Scrooges at this time of year, we simply don’t see the need to spend money for the sake of it, because that’s what you’re “supposed” to do at Christmas. Joseph still had 15 gifts to open including one from my friend Miles, to whom in turn I gave the bottle of Moet that Sarah and I wouldn’t otherwise enjoy. We much prefer Martini Asti, a bottle of which is detailed in the spend list above. Joseph played with his toy from us all day and though he did play with the others too, his “big” present was his favourite. Had he not received anything else, I don’t think he would’ve batted an eyelid.

It’s important to remember that all said and done, Christmas Day is just that; one day out of 365. It’s unnecessary to go overboard, especially if that means going into debt as a result. The day also felt far less stressful.

Sarah and I do have prior form dealing with spends for “one day” events – when we married, we simply flew to Las Vegas on our own having planned & booked everything in advance (it was just 10 weeks between our engagement and Wedding and no, we weren’t married by Elvis). Our whole Wedding cost less than £5,000 including the Honeymoon 10 night stay at the Luxor in Vegas (which was in the region of £1,600 – we married in their Chapel) our Wedding rings and everything else including the photographer (and their expensive prints!) and spending money. I will add however that Sarah’s dress was bought by her Mum (£500) and the wedding ceremony was a gift from her Father (£300 approx). It was too much to ask that people came with us (we have a DVD of the ceremony which lasted sub 7 minutes – I cried pretty much the whole time!) and as such, we did everything our way with the minimum of fuss.

Now, let me finish this post off by saying that I’m not trying to preach, just offer an alternative to the commercialised narrative that we’re exposed to each year around the festive period. Christmas should be about our loved ones, family time and being present, rather than giving them. If you celebrate it, I hope you had a wonderful & Merry Christmas.

I appreciate that Christmas has not yet passed (I will write a post about how our Christmas experiment went a few days post the day itself), however soon thoughts will start to turn to the 2nd day of January 2019 when I’ll return to my office having (I’m certain) very much enjoyed the break with Sarah, Joseph and my family and with the whole of the year ahead of us. New Years resolutions are something that many people consider – some will see them through whilst others may fall by the wayside. I make it a rule in my life never to make promises I can’t (or don’t intend to) keep, not to myself and not to others (especially my Son). Disappointment is something which I’ve never enjoyed and honestly dealt with very poorly in the past – managing expectations is something that is vital in this modern world where so many people aspire towards perfection and have little to no patience. On a side note, I used to be a “perfectionist” myself, but as I grow older I appreciate more and more that perfection is a concept not based in reality. Nothing, nor no-one, is perfect. All we can strive to be is excellent – that’s the best I believe anyone can ever hope to achieve.

I don’t enjoy running (I KNOW I’ve mentioned this before!) and going to the gym is not something I’d really ever enjoy. Walking long distances is something we as human beings are built to do – running long distances only results in needing knee replacements at 40 (this I know; a former colleague of mine is living proof) and our ability to run or sprint – human beings are the fastest accelerating animal from a standing start to full speed on the planet – was an evolutionary tool designed to get us away from the predator that fancied us as their next meal and up the nearest tree / mountain / etc. to safety. Hence, I’ll run if I’m being chased or there is risk of mortal danger to me or my loved ones and not usually otherwise. So, making resolutions about going to the gym to become more svelte are pointless for me. I do intend to hike more this year however so do watch this space. I’ll certainly try to figure out how to upload pictures to my posts and improve the look of the site.

My work is something that I do to live and it’s not my “mission” in life to be a lawyer. I have bills to pay and a family to take care of and for that, money must be made / earned. I read law at University and after practicing all these years post qualification, admittedly, it’s all I really know how to do. Perhaps then, if I can’t have a career change, the key is to work for a shorter period of time; to spend less or make my money work for me in order that I can leave work behind as early as possible and enjoy as much time with Sarah and Joseph as I can (working SMART, not HARD). Most people, certainly in the UK, work until they’re 65 at which point they can afford to stop and rely on an income from whatever private arrangements or investments they’ve made together with the State Pension (£129.95 per week as I write this, subject to contributions over 30 years of work). With life expectancy above that of my forebears however, I’m expected to work until 68 before being able to draw the State Pension. Neither of my Grandfathers reached 80 and that would mean that after 45 years of exchanging most of my time (read life) for money, I might have just 12 years left to enjoy not having to be anywhere or do anything other than what I want to do. At that age, I’d be older, less able to explore the world and enjoy myself, possibly beginning to show signs of whatever illness will eventually get the better of me and cause my inevitable departure from this mortal coil. Now that’s a very sobering thought. My first reaction? F**k that!

In his book Enough, author Patrick Rhone argues that whilst you might not have control over how much money you make, you DO have control over how much you spend. By living a simpler life and spending your money wisely, being frugal and intentional with your purchases, you can afford to work less and enjoy your life more by doing what matters to you most. What you love. If you’re one of those people who love your job – for whom it’s not actually ‘work’ – I envy you greatly and wish you every future happiness. Of course I’m by no means perfect and I do enjoy buying sneakers and have an affinity for backpacks. We’re talking relatively affordable brands here however, such as Nike or Adidas sneakers (the Vans I referred to last post are awesome however) with either Herschel Supply Co. (most likely woodland camo) or Superdry backpacks. It would be extremely rare that I’d now covet brands like Louis Vuitton or Gucci – you’re paying simply for the brand name and social currency. I’ve no interest in that. I also always try to find the best price I can – I’m not opposed to spending money as long as I’m being intentional with my purchase and not paying “over the odds”.

So, “The Five Year Mission”. Thus named for 2 reasons: 1). “Five Year Plan” has terrible 20th Century fascist connotations. I abhor fascism (and am greatly concerned by the signs of it’s 21st Century resurgence). 2). It’s a Star Trek reference. Did I mention I love Star Trek? That explained, what is it? Simply put, a plan to escape from the bonds of debt within that time frame so that we can begin to plan for our early retirement in earnest. Debt, for the purposes of this Mission includes my car loan for Mirabeau, my and Sarah’s Student loans and our mortgage. In Britain it’s considered rude to talk about money and so I won’t discuss figures or disclose our incomes, but I do hope that we will be able to do it within that period. Indeed, we do have sufficient savings to completely repay the car & student loans immediately together with some of our mortgage, although of course it’s always prudent to keep some savings for the unexpected. It’s not possible to make safe investments which will pay a higher return than the lowest rate of interest we pay on our debt (the mortgage) without significant risk to the capital and that’s not something we want to get involved in. We don’t want to buy more property / real estate as in our opinion, that simply prevents people getting on the housing ladder and prices them out of the market. No, we’ll pay what we owe and then cross that investment bridge when we come to it. Whilst speaking to my friend Miles, who has been having similar thoughts, we settled on 55 as a reasonable target so that we have time to pay down the debt and then save enough to (hopefully) comfortably retire on. I’m 39 this coming January, so that would leave me just 16 years and mean that I’d have put in the 30 years of tax contributions to qualify for the State Pension when / if I make it to 68, if it still exists at that point.

So for all intents and purposes, that is our New Year’s resolution for 2019 and for the following 4 years. To clear our debts with a view to escaping from the rat-race as soon as we possibly can to enjoy our lives doing what we love. Now, that said, it doesn’t mean we will become recluses and not spend money at all – it just means that we will be intentional with our purchases and seek out good deals, as I have said. If we do “splash out” on anything, it’ll likely be home improvements to make our house more comfortable or work better (by extension meaning that we won’t have to worry about moving to a larger or more costly home) or on holidays (read vacations, my American friends) as spending money on acquiring experiences rather than stuff is something I’m all for.

It’s all about being happy in your life and on that note, I wish anyone reading this post all the best for a very happy and prosperous 2019.

The Black Friday sales were recently upon us, something which we in the UK have taken up following the example of our American cousins. I purposefully try to avoid buying anything during this period as I feel it’s simply a ploy by Corporations to create a false sense of urgency, a fear of “missing out” on a good deal, making us buy things we might not really need simply because “they’re a bargain”. Research undertaken by consumer group Which? actually notes that many items are available at cheaper prices at other points in the year, although website Trusted Reviews states that a great deal of the deals on electronics during the Black Friday period are often the best.

As it turns out however, I was actually in need of a few things; some new work shirts and a new pair of hiking shoes, my last pair having bitten the dust almost a year ago. I managed 5 shirts for £38 from the dreaded Sports Direct but took some more time to research my hiking footwear.

More often than not, I usually buy fell running sneakers (yes I’m British but say sneakers rather than trainers!) as I find them far more comfortable and less likely to chafe. I’ve read that the supposed benefit of ankle support from boots is largely overrated and I prefer something light and easy to get in and out of. I had a pair of Adidas GSG9 trail sneakers when I walked from Whitby to Scarborough in 2016 (a supposed 24.5 miles down the old closed Whitby-Scarborough railway line, referred to locally as the Cinder Track) and suffered not a single blister. They were extremely comfortable, supportive and even better, well priced; less than £50 from (yet again!) Sports Direct. The model has been retired now however and it’s replacements are significantly more expensive so I wanted to look for an alternative. I rarely get the chance to do a proper hike and spending £100 plus on a pair of sneakers is not something I’d normally do; £50 is usually my budget.

I’ve mentioned that I watch a couple of automotive YouTube channels, one of which is The Stradman. He’s a 28 year old former accountant living in Park City, Utah who now makes his money from his channel. He’s nothing like me. I do however admire his style and he often wears Vans sneakers. I’ve never bought anything made by Vans before, but saw their UltraRange sneakers which have a sole which looks like it’d provide plenty of grip and they were described as very light. I’ve recently come across Urban Hiking, which involves planning a long route around towns & cities, taking in stairways and crossing over bridges, combining hiking with exploring. I’m lucky enough to live in a town with a Medieval Castle and plenty of areas to explore so this really struck a chord with me. Having a busy work life and wanting to spend as much time with my Son Joseph as I can also precludes me from taking days away on hiking trips so it seems ideal.

Vans themselves of course had Black Friday deals, and I was pleased to find that they were selling the UltraRange at one of the best prices on the web – £63 down from £90. Still a lot for a pair of sneakers in my book but a significant saving, so I took the plunge. They arrived last week in time for a scheduled day off on Friday, and I took them for a short walk of about 6 miles or so to break them in. They’re like wearing slippers; so light and comfortable, they’re possibly the most comfortable sneakers I’ve ever bought (with the possible exception of my Nike Roshe Runs). I’m not sure how good they’ll be for cross-country hikes, but for urban hiking, they’ll do nicely. With Christmas fast approaching and having a few days away from the office, I’ll try to map out a good 10 mile hike and give them a proper test. Who knows; I may even try to upload some photos in my next post!

 

It’s the 1st of December, and my office closes for our Christmas break in just under 3 weeks. Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year; I get to spend time with my family away from work, knowing that my desk will be as I left it when I return without a whole host of matters and work to catch up on. It’s particularly special this year, as I’ll have almost 2 weeks away with our offices not re-opening until 2nd January. Having Joseph also brings more enjoyment to Christmas, as watching him open his presents with the enthusiasm and joy only a child can have at Christmas brings back so many happy memories of my own childhood. I’m not a religious person so for me, the festive season is all about family time. Living on the Coast, although it’ll likely be quite cold on Christmas Day, we often like to go out for a walk along the foreshore to help Christmas dinner settle.

Christmas can however, be a difficult and unhappy time for some. People who are alone and lonely can often feel more so at Christmas; when Joseph is a little older, I hope to be able to volunteer with the Salvation Army on Christmas day with Sarah and Joseph spending time helping those in need. I think that contributing beyond yourself is something that we all should try to do as much as we reasonably can – it’s a wonderful feeling to know that you’ve been able to help someone who truly needed it and the Salvation Army took care of my Mother when she was young when her own parents were going through a difficult time. Whenever we see a Salvation Army collection box, we try to put in at least a pound or two for that reason.

Many families also struggle with affording Christmas; buying presents, food and having to take holidays away from work (sometimes unpaid) with the kids being away from school. My family always managed as my parents worked damned hard (my Father would work during the day, my Mother at night) to make sure we never went without anything, although we were by no means spoiled (certainly not by today’s standards!). Compulsory consumption, buying things because that’s what you’re SUPPOSED to do, is a big problem in our society and never more so than at Christmas. The television is flooded with advertisements aimed directly at children who of course then want the things they’ve seen to be bought for them as gifts to frantically unwrap on 25th December. When you’re living on a tight budget already, this can bring extra stress to households already struggling to get by and grief to parents, who just want to see their children happy.

I’m fond of my “experiments” (I’m sure this will come up often in my blog!) and this year, Sarah has agreed that we can “do Christmas” on an agreed budget. Both Sarah and I have jobs that enable us to afford whatever we want or need pretty much whenever we want or need it and there’s just no need to buy things for the sake of it. I’m a doting father and I’m sorry to admit that I already spoil Joseph most weeks in any event. Even though I want to be a minimalist, it’s not something I will force on him. He can make his own decisions when he’s old enough to do so.

So, how has our Christmas budget been set? I want to pay for all our gifts and food etc., without spending any REAL money. For the purposes of this experiment, REAL money is defined as money from earnings resulting from our employment. We shop often at Sainsbury’s Supermarket and have a credit card which generates Nectar points each time we use it.  This results in a fair amount of points building up over the course of a year and, even after spending a substantial amount of them in the last few months, our current balance is £60. I also have a £20 Marks & Spencer Gift Card which was a gift from a Client and a bottle of Moet, also a gift from a Client. So, £80 in total and no need to buy a bottle of anything to have with Christmas dinner. I’m not a fan of champagne, but we’ll drink it to save on buying anything else, and it was a nice gift in any event.

Now, this is where we cheat a little bit – you see, we can’t buy everything we might want from Sainsbury’s, so what we do is use the Nectar points to pay for our weekly food shop in exchange for cash from the shopping budget, which can then be spent anywhere. Sarah has bought me one of my favourite films for £10 from Amazon (we’d usually try to shop locally, but it’s unlikely this particular film will show up in the few places where we can buy Blu-Rays in our little town) and I will spend about the same on her. Joseph will be inundated with gifts from everyone else so we’ll buy him a little gift worth about the same amount as ours. So, £30 on gifts, which leaves a whopping £50 for food – some of which we’ll buy from Marks & Spencer to use up the voucher with the rest coming from Sainsbury’s using up the balance Nectar points if needed. Done. Christmas “for free”.

With regards the credit card by the way, I clear the balance every month automatically and never pay interest. We use it as an expenses account and as you can see, we do get quite a bit of benefit from it. We don’t absolutely need the line of credit but it keeps our ratings topped-up just in case we ever need credit for anything (mortgage, car etc.) and everything purchased on the card is automatically insured as an added bonus (in case of fraud etc.).

Whilst some of my friends understand and support these ideas, quite a few of them do not and have openly accused me of being a Scrooge, as if I’m robbing Joseph of something. The difficulty is that the message of compulsory consumption (or even over-consumption) at Christmas is so ingrained in our culture, you’re seen as being odd or a penny-pinch if you don’t comply. It’s important that we remember the important thing about Christmas is our loved ones; material possessions rarely make us happy in the long-run. Often the best gift you can give is your time – being present, rather than giving presents; as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, life is short and the memories we make with our families are far more important than any physical gift we might give or receive and will stay with us the rest of our lives.

As I mentioned in my first post, minimalism is something I’ve been interested in for some years; I’ve never felt comfortable owning or being surrounded with lots of stuff. Let me state at this point however, I can by no means categorise myself as a practising minimalist. I have a collection of films and a whole host of possessions which I’ve had since I was a bachelor, which remain in the packing boxes they were put in when I first moved in with Sarah in 2010. Yep. They’ve been in there nearly 9 years, unused. Whilst we’re on the subject, my folk’s loft is still full of toys and action figures from my childhood. Think Ghostbusters & Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

In Star Trek (this particular franchise will come up a lot in my blog – apologies in advance), when a person transfers to a new post, they usually have just a few possessions in their standard-issue Starfleet duffle bag, maybe a few keepsakes and that’s it. They can replicate whatever they need when they get to their destination. Whilst matter / energy conversion is still science fiction, technology has for the most part reduced the number of things or appliances we might wish to have into a single device. Take your smartphone or tablet (one more or less being a larger version of the other) – in that tiny device is a telephone, a computer, a stereo system, a television, camera, video camera, calculator etc. etc. etc. It can, for the most part, replicate virtually every piece of consumer technology that any child of my generation might wish to own, which also gives us access to virtually every piece of information ever recorded by humankind. And, in real terms, at a fraction of the cost. When my father bought his first digital calculator in the 1970s, it cost him more than a fortnight’s salary. A basic iPad will cost you around £319, reportedly not even a weeks’ average wage in the UK. Hell, a Kindle Fire 7 will cost you £50. The calculator function is just thrown in for free as an app.

How we consume media has changed too – streaming or buying digital copies of films & music means that the storage units laden with whatever media format is your poison are unnecessary. And with cloud based storage, we can access this media no matter where we are on the planet (wi-fi / cellular reception permitting). I still can’t quite stop buying the physical copies however, and given they’re usually similarly priced to a digital copy, I feel like I’m somehow getting more for my money. Physical copies do have to be manufactured of course however, which has it’s own environmental cost.

Fast fashion has made clothing disposable – you can buy an item from a popular cheap high street store (made in a sweat shop somewhere in Asia, by someone who’s likely paid very little) and then throw it away (or, I hope, donate it to charity) when it’s not cool anymore. Usually after a couple of weeks. I’ve never been cool, and I always prefer quality over quantity. Don’t get me wrong, you won’t find me wearing Prada, Gucci or any other high-fashion label, but I do prefer to spend a little more on things in the hope that they last a good amount of time. I like military inspired clothing and I wear jeans and t-shirts often, which rarely go out of fashion and even if they did, I’d still like & wear them.

There’s a point to this, I promise. Modern technology, coupled with a well curated (capsule?) wardrobe, means that not only do you need less stuff, you’ll need less stuff to store the stuff in. And by extension, a smaller home to house the stuff containing the stuff. See? We’ll all be minimalists in the future; I’ll fit all my clothes, an iPad and my phone in a small(ish, think 50 litre) backpack. I’m very OCD with my things in any event; cosmetic damage really annoys me and so I really do look after them. I take time researching and almost curating my purchases before I make them. I’m obsessive about my car, Mirabeau, and I’d be devastated if she was damaged. My mistake, is treating my belongings as an extension of myself, as if they somehow reflect on me and are integral to my being. To be fair, I’d probably feel better owning much less; fewer things to worry about.

I of course haven’t come up with these ideas myself – this path has been well trodden before I ever came along and I’m not that smart – I’ve simply found value in what I’ve read, watched and listened to, published by others. If you haven’t watched it and have access to Netflix, I readily recommend the documentary “Minimalism – a Documentary about the important things” by film-maker Matt D’Avella. I’ve been reading the books of a number of people featured in the documentary (The Minimalists Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus, Colin Wright, Patrick Rhone, Tammy Strobel at al) and watching their YouTube videos – they’re all worth your time. So, although it’s something which has been on my mind for a while, my current midlife crisis is still all their fault.

After University, I worked for a well-known music, video and video games retailer in Leeds. I was 23 by this point and had both my Degree in Law and a Postgraduate Diploma in Legal Practice, but wasn’t really sure that practicing Law was for me after all (that 4 years of study and £20,000 of debt!). I had been unceremoniously dumped by my girlfriend of the last 2 and a half (or so) years and needed something to reassure myself that I was going to get through the miserable quagmire that my life had become at that point. I worked with my (now ex) girlfriend at one store and quickly transferred to another, where I had worked during my final year of Uni and where a number of my friends still worked, in the same city.

After progressing (slightly) up the pecking order there, an opportunity presented itself; one of my oldest friends was seeing a girl from our hometown and her father was a partner in a local firm of solicitors – was I interested in completing my training there?

I sit here now, some 13 and a half years later, now a partner in that firm myself. I’m on the verge of 39 years old, have an intelligent & beautiful Wife, Sarah, a ridiculously handsome 3 and a half year old Son, Joseph (he gets his looks from his Mother) and an above average income. This is the place I thought I’d wanted to be… But now I’m not so sure. In my mid-twenties, I always felt I was behind my friends in terms of being an adult – I was single, didn’t own my own home, had no car (couldn’t drive until I was 27, although my Wife would say I still can’t) and earned what would now be more or less minimum wage as a trainee solicitor. Now that I have these material things, and am qualified, I’m not even sure I want them. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t put my Wife & Son in that category!

So, the title of this, my first post on my blog, is “The Midway Point”. This is a not-so-thinly veiled reference to the fact that I am, in actual number terms, middle-aged. Both of my Grandfathers died before 80 and although I’ve got a fairer chance at entering a fifth score of years, my weight resulting from a preponderance to stuff my face with chocolate, crisps and a whole host of calorie-filled takeaways, may see me expire from heart disease at some point (better this than cancer though as it’s this foul disease which has taken away a great number of my family, so I’m rooting for something else!).

Since my Son came along (who I’m absolutely in love with; he means everything to me) I’ve felt more and more that I need to quite literally “shape up”, both physically and mentally, so that I can be with him as long as I possibly can; I was already 35 when he came along (my own father was 25 when I came into the world) and so I’ve already short-changed myself and him there. Sarah thinks I’m having a mid-life crisis (she may be right) as I’ve been watching documentaries about minimalism (which is something that I’ve been interested in for the last several years) and reading books about travel, exploring and leading a more meaningful life. I don’t particularly enjoy my job; it doesn’t leave me fulfilled nor do I feel it’s my “mission” in life to be a lawyer. Sarah, who has Degrees both in Law and Management Accountancy, has found something she loves recently in being a Slimming World Consultant. If she could make a living from it as a full-time job, she’d jump at the chance; but I’m not sure what I’d do instead of being a lawyer – my main hobby is cinema (or going to Star Trek / sci-fi conventions) and whilst I do enjoy that very much, I’m no Mark Kermode. I’ve subscribed to several YouTube channels in the last year or so and they seem very happy and able to make money from their passion (I watch Urbex channels and one or two automotive vloggers) but I’ve no idea what I’d do if I was to try and emulate that as a hobby; maybe something travel related as that is something I’ve grown to enjoy more and more. I’m also not sure what I’d do instead of my current profession, and I do have a mortgage and other bills to pay (don’t we all?!).

So, what do I intend to do about it? Well, as far as being overweight goes, I hate to run and I’d rather eat my own toenails than go to the gym. I really enjoy walking and exploring, although I rarely do much of it these days – now I have my own car (Mirabeau – I’m sure I’ll talk more about her in future) I don’t even walk the roughly 2 miles to work, although I bought her because I didn’t want my Son being cold and wet in his pushchair on the way to nursery anymore. I’ve done a few hikes in my time; in August 2016 I walked from Whitby to Scarborough to raise money for Child Bereavement UK in memory of a local lawyer who died very suddenly leaving his two young sons and wife behind. I think this was a major factor in my current thought process. He was just 40 when he died – I’m not far off that. It made me think more about how short life is and how you shouldn’t spend the relatively small amount of time we’re given on this Earth doing something that doesn’t make you feel like you’re contributing, like you’re making a difference. A quote from one of the books I’ve read recently sticks in my mind (although I may be paraphrasing, because I can’t remember which book I read it in and I can’t find the quote on Google!) – “Some people wake up in the middle of the night. Some people wake up in the middle of their lives.” That statement feels more and more like it was aimed squarely at me. Lock phasers on target. Fire!

In 2017, Sarah and I took a trip to Orlando for a week without Joseph. We each wrote him a letter in the event something happened and we didn’t come home. I still can’t read that letter without welling up. Although we came home (having spent the entire week pining for Joseph – poetic justice I think) I felt like I should record my thoughts, views and feelings on life and other topics, in the event that I don’t live long enough to guide my Son personally as he grows up; an idea of my design for life so that he can take his own view on what is / isn’t important and how he should view the world. I’m no writer and a publisher is unlikely to print a manual written by a nobody like me, aimed squarely at more or less just one person. So, the internet seems like the most logical place to make a record of my musings for him; but perhaps, other people and not just my Son, might find some utility or sense in them?

Although I own several coats, my favourite outerwear is my berry red coloured Superdry hoodie and although I’m a 39 year old legal professional, I often wear it with the hood up and my hands in the joey pockets toting my ever-present backpack. I don’t wear suits to the office and I haven’t worn a tie now in years. I’m big. I like hiking. My hood’s red. You see where I’m going.